The Year 2006: Life Begins at 40

First Experience...

The first time ever I had really been depressed in my life was caused by my being jobless. So many factors why I found it difficult to find a job: my being new to the culture and environment, my accent (WA State is particular of accents) , most job vacancies need bilinguals in Spanish. I didnt even qualify as a caregiver...I just panicked taking care of those big elderly people, sometimes three times my weight. As if I can't find my place in America, I felt worthless.

A new era...

As to my job search. Finally, I was accepted as a Sales Asst. in a local Spanish language TV Station. Habla Español! It is funny though, most workers don't speak Spanish. Though, I'm a no-work no pay employee, I consider this a good start. Being involved in sales is the least job I would take, but I'm in it. It just added to my being a "jack-of-all trades." I learned making sales contacts, data entry, recording satellite feeds and editing commercials and shows with the use of computers. There is indeed so much to learn out there in the world of work.

As to my relationships. Early part of the year, I had the chance to visit my cousin, Marle, who is already established in San Diego, CA. What a good kick-off for 2006! We only saw each other when I was still in high school and now we're reunited as a family (with her beloved John) here in the U.S.

Getting Attuned with Life in America...

This is my second experience of winter and I begin to admire the different type of beauty it offers. One time, I was admiring the snowfall from our bay window while I was listening to the music of Kenny G. Perfectly captured! Music and the Sight of Snowfall. "The Moment." I was tempted to go out with Gabriel, our pet, (bec. Michael was working) and walked through the winter wonderland...at a temperature below freezing point!

Still A Filipino at Heart...

I'm already a good cook :) I can cook lumpia, pancit, kaldereta, afritada, humba, lechon manok, embutido, adobo. Michael not only enjoys the foods I cook but promotes them as well. I eventually became a resource person for my neighbor who wanted to cook pancit! I consider this my way of promoting the Phil.

I miss all the novelties that are "Only in the Philippines." Foods- I miss Cebu mango, kalderetang kanding, lechon baboy, dinuguan and all those foods where Americans can't imagine us eating. Also, all those varieties of fishes and shells mentioned in Yoyoy Villame's songs :) The shoreline and the sight of the mountains meeting the sea. The festive noise during celebrations, the karaoke singing and back-up dancing...

God's Blessings...

It has always been my dream to study piano, but not in America (bec. I can't pay in dollars). But currently, I'm taking piano lessons for free! Hoping that the "Mozart" in me will shine (he,he!). Likewise, I have two angels disguised as my chauffeurs - my neighbors who volunteer to take me to work every morning, so I don't have to hire a taxi during this winter season.

A Christmas surprise. My foreign credentials were all accredited. I am a Bachelor of Science in Educ. -Chemistry, Master of Arts in Public Administration and Master of Arts in Teaching-English, here in America! I'm overwhelmed! Maybe, in the Phil. - yes. I don't really consider myself a master of these since I believe experience can make one a true master. I do hope that my volunteering for Project Literacy will set my foot in the right direction. So grateful for Ate Elvie who had the time and the heart to make it possible in getting my school credentials.

As always, my husband is the ultimate blessing. Michael and I saw each other's imperfections through love and commitment and in the process, we made each other as better persons. I thank God for his recovery from his back surgery in July and the wonderful support from our neighbors, friends and his colleauges at work.

Well, this was how my life turned at 40!

Vacation 2006

(Michael, Gabriel -our pet, and I just came from vacation at Lincoln City, Oregon from Sept. 1-4. The owners of Overlook Lodge-The Vincents, invited occupants of the room to scribble some notes in their journal, resulting to a compilation of life's excerpts of different sojourners since 1994. Below, is the gist of my own excerpt )

When I came in to our studio room at Overlook Lodge last Friday, I told myself, "Okay, this is our room." Nothing fancy, just a plain room. Yet, it is in this "ordinary-ness" that we feel a touch of home...embracing nature, face to face with ourselves and the Creator of all.

Coming from the Philippines with 7,100 islands or so (depending whether it is high tide or low tide, he,he,he!), facing the shoreline is almost an everyday treat. But one morning, while I was at the cute view deck, before me was the mighty Pacific Ocean!

More than a year ago, I was literally at the opposite end of this side of the globe. Now, I am sharing one life with my husband(Michael) whom I love and who pledge to love me forever no matter what. And beside us is the Pacific.

What a mighty God we have, who makes the unimaginable things possible.

I thanked all readers of the journal and thank you for reading this as well. My desire is that, in the beauty of creation...in the miracle of our lives - may we always see the heart of God, the author of beauty and all that is good.

I congratulated the Vincents for this great idea. All unique beautiful life stories come in one handy package.

Indeed, we had a restful vacation after Michael's back surgery episode since June. Just being lazy, going to places , experimenting cuisines in the area, observing the changing weather pattern of the Pacific Coast. A pure celebration. For after this, back to the reality of work.

We certainly felt at home there. Even Gabriel says so :)

(P.S. I included inviting all readers in that journal to visit the Philippines)

My Furry Angel

His name is Gabriel, an 8-year old Mini-Snauzer. I didn't find him appealing the first time I saw him because of his gray color and fur covering his eyes. I'm not used to his breed. Just not my idea of a cute pet.

After my arrival in the family, Gabriel automatically became my companion as I am mostly at home. He is always with me when I do gardening and go for a walk. The sociable that he is, I was not alone in my first enjoyment of the unfolding of each season in America. We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun...

Soon, he became my confidante. He is always there in every wave of my emotions. He listens, adjusts with my mood and follow what's the next action, also for the next treat ! He can even sometimes bridge when Michael and I have a misunderstanding. He is our meeting point. He knows how to deal with each of us (Michael and I) considering our idiosyncracies.

He is certainly intelligent, fun and playful. But definitely, he is not the angelic type as he has his share of foolishness. Sometimes, he moves and acts like Stitch (from Lilo and Stitch). He gobbles his food that Michael calls him a "Pinoy" breed :) It is funny how he can act foolishly ( always begs for treats, eats grasses that makes him sick, searches for chocolates in my bag) and how he cowers when scolded. It amuses me at how he feels guilty that he hides from us if he's done something wrong. Even with his canine mentality, he knows between right and wrong! Yet he does it anyway.

He is like an 8-year old son. He is real cute. That's why I call him Gabby Boy and Biboy (sounds Pinoy) for short. He is actually handsome among his breed.

Yes, he is a dog. But he evolves to become bigger than what his instinct would dictate. To being a friend, a buddy... an angel - just clothed in fur.

2003 verses when I experienced tribulations

deeply-anchored

raging storms advance my course
whirling 'round my route
shaking me to fear
mapping me out
of this beautiful earth...

the horizons dimmed out
i was left in shimering cold
wandering where to head on
to save my soul
from these turbulent seas...

i struggled as i paddled
the waves were insurmountable
the distant shore was out of sight
and in exasperation
only then i turned to God...

defenseless as i am,
i asked, " God, what will i do?"
"Be still, my child, " He assured.
"You are deeply anchored in my heart"




Once a moonlit night...

i gazed upon the limitless sky
perched like aperfect canvas
enticing my sense of imagination.

i journeyed thru the endless horizon
the leaves swaying with the gentle breeze
inviting me to dance in perfect grace.

i walked along a path
leading to a silvery silhoutte
beckoning me to embrace.

once a childhood...
carefree, young, full of hope,
a threshold of serenity,
a tapestry of dreams.

Year 2005: A Cycle of Sowing, Waiting, Harvest

Early on this year, I got the news that I can't have the promotion that I had been hoping for. I was saddened but at the same time consoled because it would mean the realization of my ultimate bargain with God - to be reunited with Michael in America.

Indeed, time came when I became the center of attention ( I felt awkward bec. I'm not used to it) during our betrothal and wedding ceremonies. I never considered myself a beauty queen but I had to feel like one , for the sake of art :)

Departing from the Philippines - family, friends, familiar places, comfort zone, was just like closing one door of my sojourn and coming to my real home. (For those who had been travelling this married life, you can relate better.) Staying at home alone, while Michael was at work, felt like a much-needed vacation. My new role as a plain housewife was a welcome change as well. Cooking, learning new recipes, laundry, cleaning, gardening (oh, how I enjoy this !) , learning a new hobby-fishing (so, challenging!) and the simple pleasures of serving the one I love. Seeing a different kind of environment with a beauty of its own, was also another treat. Such panoramic views as the North Cascades, Mt. Rainier and the different varieties of flowers, are all refreshing to both the eyes and one's soul.

Likewise, this is our period of adjustment (wrestling, I call it, he,he,he) in our marriage life as all normal couples undergo. Personality clashes, asserting one's rights, yet love is the great equalizer. Struggles and strides.That at the end of an episode, I would say, " This is the man I love and God gave me to love me." Insecurities. Mirroring. Paradox. An avenue of my heart to tap its full potential in its capacity to love. An amazing discovery !

Seasons passed -spring and summer. As autumn dawned in, it was time to move on for greater challenges and goals.

So, I asked from God, " Lord, please give me a job which would allow me to encourage people."
God answered, " Yes, you do. You are already having it."
Yes, I have an elderly friend, Elsie and 2 Chinese ladies, Sharon and Veronica, also married to Americans, who all need my quality and quantity time.
But I bargained and made things clear, "Lord, a job which has salary."
The Lord opened my eyes and heart, " Didn't you realize that what I can give you is more than
what money can buy and what your salary can afford? I can give good health and a fulfilled life.
Just wait for my time and you will see wonders."

There was a period that my heart was settled with God in my waiting stage for a job. And indeed, God revealed one surprise. He used my cousin as a channel of blessing for a free trip to San Diego, CA, which I can't anymore enjoy had I been accepted for a job. He really honors our heart's desire, even a mere whim, as long as we learn to obey Him every step of the way. It occured to me previously, that it could have been better if I can travel to another state before I get tied up with work. And here is the chance. God is good ! But I also had my bouts of depressive moments - the insecurities and uncertainties in my job search, robbing me of the joy and excitement of my upcoming trip. My wicked heart has been exposed. I wanted the best of all worlds! How oblivious had I been of the benefit and good lesson of waiting. I waited for 15 years before Michael's and my path could cross together. Yet even if we are just newly married, it seems we know each other long before....

This year is a mark of "first." First travel abroad. First celebration of birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year with the one I love. Always a hopeless romantic's dream :) And finally, first job as an interpreter. Naka-ending pa gyod! Even if it was just on a temporary and depending- on -need basis, I like it because it is both "academic" and humanitarian. A beneficial reference, pang-establish ug "bad" record :) (God forbid!)

The year depicted the whole picture of the cycle of sowing... and its hopes, waiting... and its agonies, reaping.... and its joys - all these leading to new discoveries and added wisdom.

Henri Nouwen aptly puts it : " If life is subject to our control, then it becomes predictable. Yet, if life is so much greater than we can understand, then it becomes open to the reality of mystery. This may at times frustrate us, but it also makes us open to wonderment, prayer and the pursuit of further understanding"